With just a few days until spring, I'd like to congratulate the people of Sydney for surviving yet another year of the most inhospitable winter in the world.
Two weeks into June every year, the whole city huddles around outdoor heaters, mourning summers past and flooding social media with inspirational tales of survival and endurance.
Image credit: Daily Companion Meteorology Department
Okay, so maybe not technically... but Sydney winters feel the coldest. Here's a few reasons why:
Growing up on the Gold Coast, I never even knew that double glazed windows existed until I was 20. There's not much need for insulation when Gold Coast winters bottom out at 19 degrees. Houses in Sydney however, seem to ignore the cold cold hard facts of life this far south of the equator.
To my horror, the first winter I spent shacked up in a Sydney terrace ended up as a not-so-thrilling game of cat and mouse - 'WHERE THE BLOODY HELL IS THAT FREEZING DRAFT WAS COMING FROM!?'
Sydney is a little bit too obsessed with their beach bodies. In fact, they're roughly 13.3kg less than the Aussie average (Australian Bureau of Statistics). Body fat is the body's natural defense against chilly weather, so Sydneysiders are at a disadvantage. I blame instagram and #fitspo.
Melbournians enjoy luxurious winter wardrobe options and with 364 frosty days a year it just makes good financial sense. Sydneysiders however, have blown their entire annual budget on flashy togs, gym memberships and rent.
That means most Sydneysiders are stuck with the one winter coat they splurged on 3 winters ago, even though there's a big tear in the right armpit, letting in a gust of icey air every time you raise your beer for a cheers or a high-five (there's lots of reasons to high-five in Sydney).
I guess what I'm trying to say is, give Sydney a break guys. Stop rolling your eyes every time someone complains about how cold it is every winter.
Instead, let's all focus our eye rolling on the real enemy - the poms and kiwis wearing thongs and singlets mid-winter while bragging 'this is nothing compared to winter back home', despite displaying early signs of pneumonia.
We get it Jordan. It's colder in New Zealand.